Blogpost #6: Final Reflection on Learning

And it's over. Just like that. We are at our last blogpost. Classes have ended a week ago and exams are coming. Looking back at this ES2007S journey, this journey has been a truly memorable one.

I realized how small classes like this can bring so much joy, fun and learning benefit to people. I felt that I learned better from this class as there were fewer people and everyone got a chance to speak up. We were free to share our opinion and respected each others' views despite differences. We all have our own distinctive ways of communicating, some of us being more aggressive than others, some extremely quiet, but it was really heart-warming as to how despite these difference communication styles, we still took it with a pinch of salt and an open mind. We encourage those who didn't say much to step forward while those who spoke a lot took the back seat every now and then. Not everyone who is aggressive wants to fight, and not everyone who is quiet has nothing to say.

The best experience would be working on the group proposal. Being in my final semester and taking 6 modules, 3 of which are 100% CA based loaded with projects every week, I found myself conflicted with too many commitments. Life was tough given the added stress from the conflict with my best friends (remember blogpost #2?) and other things. But it was through this that I saw how blessed I was in terms of the people I meet. My groupmates were all so supportive and understanding of my other commitments. We pushed each other with a little nudge but never outright pressured each other. We gave each other space and trusted each other to complete our work on time and with best effort. We also helped each other with each others' parts if ever we could not cope or did not understand how to go about the work exactly.

Our group spanned from freshmen to final year students, local, foreign and exchange, quiet to loud. Despite the diversity, we never had problems with each other. In fact, I think we complemented each other very well. We had the quiet thinkers who were organized, we had the vocal ones who verbalized ideas into more concrete forms. We had a multitude of opinions because of our diverse majors and faculties. It added a lot of colour to the proposal and most of all to the experience.

As this post (and blog) comes to a close, I would like to thank everyone who has been part of my ES2007S journey. Classmates, groupmates and Mdm. Fazilah, you all have made my final semester truly a colourfull one. All the best to everyone and may we meet again one day.

Merci. Bon voyage.

Blogpost #5: Reflection on Oral Presentation

OMG. What. A. Week! It is that time of year again when all assignments seem to be due at the same time and you tend to wonder more often than not if this will be the last semester you survive before assignments kill you only to make it to the next sem every year. Yes, it is the semester crunch time!

So I just had my group oral presentation on Tuesday. I was sick the previous session and the next thing I knew, my groupmates were like "SURPRISE! WE ARE GROUP NO.1!!" O.O" Clearly I was telling Zi Yang that his Feng Shui leaves much to be desired and that he should not buy lottery numbers :P And so we spent the entire Monday at UTown trying to throw together a presentation which was well... presentable! And I can say that we did a pretty good job... or at least that is what I think. We worked really hard to put the presentation together in a way that looked professional and easy to understand. It was a tad bit long tho in terms of duration.

There was a lot of facts to present in the presentation. And for me, my slides were very heavy on the text. I tried to make it more interesting by speaking in a more jovial manner, slightly casual but not too much as it is still supposed to be a formal presentation. I relied heavily on the variation of my voice and tone in order to make the presentation more interesting.

All in all the presentation turn out well I guess. Can't wait to get the proposal together and submit it. I am going to die under the avalanche of assignments soon and all these are affecting my health. Keep falling sick ):

Till the next and last time!

Blogpost #4: Evaluating Intercultural Behavior

Aloha people! (: So today I am supposed to be talking about 'Intercultural Behavior' based on something which I have observed. Coming from Malaysia and living in Singapore which are two melting pots of diversity, it shouldn't be that hard right?

Wrong.

Because I really can't remember anything! I think I am so used to living amongst these Asian cultures till it no longer strikes be as something very different anymore. So I have decided to use some scenarios which I was involved in when I went traveling last December to Taiwan.

When I was in Taiwan, I traveled with my Mexican buddy named A. His first language is Spanish and second was English. My spoken languages included Malay, English and Hokkien. So my buddy and I used English to communicate with each other. However, due to our differing accents and fluency, we found it hard to understand each other. But we got by.

So one day, I was feeling a little bit agitated and thus was replying pretty snarkily and sarcastically as well. All of a sudden, A seemed really offended and said "Why are you angry with me? What did I do?" whereby I proceeded to insist that I was not angry.

No conflict arose from that situation but reflecting upon it, I realized that we miscommunicated because of differing cultural perceptions and small nuances in language. A was unable to understand the subtleties of the language as English was his second language and mistook my sarcasm as anger. Also, I am pretty fierce for a girl by normative Asian standards so when I was sarcastic, my non-verbal expression made me look angry. In addition to that, all the Chinese girls we encountered in Taiwan were extremely sweet, soft-spoken and demure and that formed the basic stereotype of  Asian Chinese Girls in A's mind. Thus it led him to mistake my expressions as that of anger.

Going deeper into this, I realized that cross-cultural misunderstanding not only existed between people of vastly different cultures but also within those who are from almost similar cultures. For example, as mentioned earlier, I speak Hokkien. However, Taiwan's main language is Mandarin. Thus, the locals there assumed that ALL Chinese will speak Mandarin and they were extremely shocked that I could not. However, they were also shocked that I spoke Hokkien which is very similar to their local Taiwanese dialect. Because to them, the younger generation who were of my age have lost the ability to converse in this dialect. In Taiwan, it was the language of grandparents.

So how did I survive? Semiotics, that's how. Yes, the language of signs are also culturally based but most (hand) signs/gestures like 'big' and 'good' are pretty universal and it really helped me a lot in bridging the gap in communication.

Yeah, so I guess that is my take on intercultural (as well as intracultural) communication. Till next time! (:

Blogpost #3: Application Letter Critique

Hi there everyone! (:

You know that feeling when you are in your penultimate year and suddenly you realize "OMG, what have I done with my university life?" And the feeling you get after that when you realized you have not really done much and you are already too far into your candidature to go on exchange overseas for a semester plus you can never ever go for summer programmes or summer school just because your course has a mandatory field placement component in order for you to graduate?

YES. That. Sad. Feeling. D:

So like the desperate person I am, when I received an email calling for applications as volunteer teachers to elementary schools in Taiwan, I totally jumped at the opportunity. "But you can't speak Mandarin Sarah! Good luck teaching the children." Yeah I know but not all weaknesses are weaknesses. It's a matter of perspective really.

So how does this work? Well, firstly you need to sign up for an account with the liaison organization and you will be assigned an intern number known as EP ID. It is basically like an NRIC/FIN no. for participants. Using the number, you are required to apply for a spot as an intern  by writing to the employer and enclosing your resume along with it. Something like applying for a job. Of course, may the best applicant win!

Here is my cover letter and resume along with the job description of the internship I am interested in. I have already done one round of amendments based on feedback from my groupmates. What do you guys think?

1. Cover Letter
2. Resume 
3. Job Description 

Thank you! :D

Blogpost #2: Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

Yes, the juicy blogpost. It is finally here. Everyone likes a good drama. Me too actually. But drama is horrible especially when it happens to you. Worse is when it involves the ones you really care about. But conflict is not always bad. I think to myself, yes, of course I would have liked to avoid this big mess but what would have happened if I did? Would I still realize all this that I know now? About myself, my friends and the relationship we share. In a way, this conflict provided the opportunity (or catalyst) to greater self-discovery and better understanding of others. It initiated the change needed in the friendship and I honestly believe that it was because of the conflict and resolution that M and I are even closer friends than before. However, in the case of A, our relationship has pretty much deteriorated. In the end, this conflict may not have been the experience I wanted, but it was definitely the experience I needed.

So, up till now, you would have most probably gotten the idea that this conflict involves a person named M, a person named A and myself. And that the conflict has been resolved (although that is besides the point here). Before I proceed further, let me tell you a bit more about the parties involved. A is my best friend and simply put one of the most important people to me. However, I had fought and fallen out with A many times over the course of our friendship. Our fights always exhibited the same recurring pattern, A would pick a fight with me, I would get pissed, he would be insulting and disrespectful. We would ignore each other for a few days to a week or two and he would resume talking to me as if nothing had ever happened. I have tried to employ a more collaborative or compromising approach and work things out with him after the argument however he avoid the issue altogether which was very frustrating. In this particular episode, A accused me of being superficial as I liked to look at eye-candy (i.e. cute guys walking around school) every now and then eventhough he too occasionally gushes at his own form of eye-candy. I felt that this attitude was very hypocritical and being pretty comfortable with him already, I was very frank and just told him to quit it and talk to me once he felt I was worth his respect. 

The next character would be M, a friend of mine whom I had introduced to A and the 3 of us became really good friends within a few months. M was to a certain extent, pretty apathetic. He seemed to lack social intuition and came off as someone who lacked consideration towards others. M has a bad habit of bailing on appointments at the last minute. I had a fight with A and my argument with M over this particular habit happened a week later. He ditched me to attend a talk with A and I was disappointed in him for treating me in such manner. I felt as if I meant nothing as a friend and that this friendship was a lie. There was no trust, honesty, sincerity nor transparency. The disappointment and frustration turned into anger. I confronted M and without giving him a chance to reply, blocked him. 

I had never felt so much anger in my entire life. I was so angry that I blocked A and M from ALL communication channels. I was convinced I was better off without them and I never wanted to have anything to do with them ever again. I distracted myself by focusing on my studies and my other friends. I was angry for a very long time. However, slowly the anger faded and I came to realize that I did still care for them and that they were very important to me. Realizing this made me feel stupid and helpless. I felt that I had no self-worth or integrity in allowing them to mean so much to me after meaning nothing to them. I was conflicted as to what I should feel and this caused me a lot of stress.

At this point, some of my friends started to approach me about talking things out with M. They told me (on separate occasions) that M had approached them and that he was truly concerned for my well-being. However, I was aware that I was not yet ready enough to talk things out with him. I knew that if I was still angry, any attempts to resolve the issue would come to naught as I would still be extremely emotionally invested and my reasoning clouded. I decided to give myself time to calm down and reflect upon the whole entire process. I needed to do this as I had problems communicating personal topics and if I did not know exactly what was what, the communication would be very messy and might result in further miscommunication. Once I felt that I was calm enough and understood fully what my perception of the entire episode, I proceeded to unblock A and M. However, I was not sure if they were ready to talk to me, and thus I waited for them to make the first move. 

M jumped at the opportunity the moment he realized he could get hold of me. He politely asked if we could talk about the conflict as he did not understand what had caused it and was very worried. I allowed him to explain the issue from his point of view and I did not interrupt him until he was done. He then allowed me to do the same. M then explained that he was clearly unaware that I had felt that way I did and he admitted that he had been disrespectful as he failed to consider my perspective. I also apologized because I was too at fault for losing my temper. M then asked something that surprised me; “what can I do to make it better for you?” 

At that point, it felt as if reality had just slapped me in the face. Nobody has ever asked me that before and I just realized how important a question it was. I realized that I had never been mad with M before and he was just unfortunate to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. The person that was truly angry and disappointed with was A.  M’s small mistake pushed me over the cliff of pent-up negative emotions towards A over the last 3 years and as a result, he bore the brunt of my anger despite his mistake being relatively petty. I felt so ashamed of myself for the way I handled the situation. I had allowed my anger to get the better of me, to allow me to be judgmental and short-sighted, to think only of myself while M, the ‘apathetic’ one, reached out his hand and offered his efforts to go beyond just remediating the situation but to improve it. I felt like a failure. It was frightening.

That sudden realization forced me into a situation where I had to either come to terms with myself or risk sinking into depression. I was truly blessed as M was constantly there with me as I struggled with my inner self as well as patching things up with A (currently still on-going). One of my biggest takeaways from this experience was how important congruency of conflict management styles is to remediating a situation. It was easier to patch things up with M because he was willing to compromise and collaborate with me to find common ground. However, the opposite occurred with A. His constant attempts to avoid resolution resulted in me complying and avoiding the issue as well. I mistook it as tolerance and patience but what really happened was that I ended-up conflicting with myself and I became passive aggressive from all the pent-up unresolved conflicts with A that spilled over to M. Another thing I took away was that it is practically impossible to think straight and make rational decisions with an angry mind. Like they say, anger is when your mouth works faster than your brain. I realized how important it was to remain calm when faced with a conflict or crisis. If I had kept my cool, I could have reasoned it all out with him right there and then instead of 2-3 months down the road. If I was aware of all this at that point in time I would have reacted differently to the conflict. To think I had come that close to throwing EVERYTHING that meant the world to me way in a moment of rage. I was lucky that it could still be salvaged. For quite a number of people, this mistake during that point of conflict can never be taken back and will break bonds that will never be fixed.

So, yes, this is basically as far as the conflict goes. As I have admitted above, I have problems communicating with others especially when it involves something or someone very personal to me. Also, regardless of having ALL the knowledge about how to handle conflicts professionally and what would be the best course of action to take in order to get a shot at the best possible outcome, when you are angry, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE and everything you know just gets thrown out the window! As for the question, well, here it is. I feel that it is a tad bit difficult a question tho.
 

"A and I have fought numerous times and for the first few times, I have told him off gently. As time passes, the gentler approach does not seem to have an effect so I went for the more frank and firm approach. But despite the approach, the conflict STILL happens! Clearly, regardless of the empathetic or frank approach, the message does not seem to be communicated. What do you suggest the approach should be then?"

P.S.: If you have made it here, thank you for taking time to read this EXTREMELY long post which is most probably more suited for an Aunty Agony column.

Have a Blessed Chinese New Year (:

Blogpost #1: Effective Communication

Effective communication. I never really understood fully how much more I had to learn about it until recently. But I shall leave that juicy story for the next post ;)

But here is what I DID learn.

To me, effective communication is important simply because (as stated right at the top of the page), getting your point across requires more than just talking. Effective communication is what it is, EFFECTIVE. When done properly, it enables the listener to fully comprehend and absorb the message you are trying to convey. And it isn't just the message. The tone, context, sentiments that are attached to it as well.

So, why is it important to me? Well, humans are highly social beings and for me, interaction is absolutely fundamental to my survival. Isolation will just kill me. I'll be bored out of my wits. But on the other hand, based on past experience, when communication occurs, it gives room for misunderstanding, which if left unattended or unclarified, will lead to... DRAMA! And that is really not something I need on top of my already stressful final semester here (not that I have a say in its existence in my life to begin with). Effective communication eliminates this opportunity, or reduces it to a certain extent. Relaying the message is not enough. One must be sure that the other party hears, understands and comprehends the message in its entirety in order to be able to make the best decision or to take the best course of action.

That would be the primary importance of effective communication in my personal life.

Professional wise, effective communication is absolutely essential in the line of social work (yes, that is my major. Yes it is an actual major and yes I do get paid). Imagine if I had poor communication skills. My work will never get anywhere! D: I won't be able to built rapport with clients, emphatize with them, advocate for their rights, persuade different stakeholders to support the change movement etc. Oh the HORROR! D8 In social jobs, communication is essential because we are dealing with people and the key to mobilizing people is to be able to effectively communicate what we all want, when we want it and how we want it.

Anyway, these are the two main reasons for me. Do wait for the juicy story in the next post (: